


Survived Their Fall

by Mira



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-27
Updated: 2009-11-27
Packaged: 2017-10-15 12:07:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/160676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mira/pseuds/Mira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said. Daniel looked up from his packing. "You leave tomorrow for Atlantis."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Survived Their Fall

**Author's Note:**

> For the [Lady of Asheru](http://lady-of-asheru.livejournal.com) for her birthday

When Jack died, Daniel felt as though he had died, too, and looked around for something to do that didn't remind him of Jack. But so much did; he had known Jack now for most of his life. The SGC, the Air Force, even the Stargate: everything around him was Jack.

So he went back to his earliest work, before he had realized the significance of the Egyptian pyramids; he returned to archaeology. He had been a linguist and a cultural anthropologist for most of his time at the SGC, but his first love had always been archaeology. It was what his parents had done, and his earliest and best memories were of digs in Egypt, of being a child pampered by his parents and tutors and the workers.

But he discovered that everything in the Milky Way Galaxy reminded him of Jack; his presence had seeped into every corner of every world for Daniel and he could find no escape here. At last, after many months of entreaties and calling in of favors and begging friends to intercede, he received permission to go to Atlantis. At one point in his life, he had hoped to work as the civilian lead of the City of Atlantis, but such ambition was far behind him now. Now he only wanted to learn about the origins of life in Pegasus, in particular the origins of human life. This was his time. And Jack would not be there.

"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c said. Daniel looked up from his packing. "You leave tomorrow for Atlantis."

"Yes," Daniel said, continuing to pack so he could avoid Teal'c's solemn eyes. "They're opening the gate anyway, to send through medical supplies, so I got permission to go through as well."

"Do you ever intend to return to Earth?"

Daniel finally paused. He stared at the objet d'art in his hand: a tiny fragile clay hippopotamus, over a thousand years old. He'd found it himself, a freak find for he hadn't been working, just wandering along a shallow river on PX4-124. No one lived there now; the population had died out or perhaps had been moved by some Goa'uld centuries earlier. But there, in the mud, something had caught his expert eye and he'd found the beautiful thing. He sighed.

"I don't know," he admitted, and finally looked up at Teal'c. "I don't know anything right now."

Teal'c inclined his head gracefully. "We have suffered a loss from which there can be no true recovery," he said. "You especially. But Daniel Jackson. You leave behind friends who love you. Do not forget us."

"Jesus, Teal'c, no. I could never forget you." He carefully settled the ancient clay hippo in its packing case, then rested a hand on Teal'c's massive forearm. "You're my family."

Teal'c's face moved in some imperceptible way but somehow Daniel knew he was pleased. "Do you need assistance?"

"No, no, I'm fine. But --"

"I will say farewell tomorrow, Daniel Jackson."

"Good. Good."

Teal'c turned and left but, just as he reached the door, Daniel said, "Teal'c." He looked back at Daniel. "Thank you. Truly, thank you."

Teal'c half bowed, and then was gone. Daniel closed his eyes for a moment, then continued packing.

He worked through the night, catnapping on the battered couch in his office, the one Jack used to sleep on. He ate a late dinner in the commissary, where they served him pie and insisted he take back a thermos of coffee, but mostly he packed. He spent a lot of time not looking at what he was packing because every object and every book reminded him of Jack and their years together.

In the morning, Sam came by, fresh and sweet, her smile tinged with sadness. "Well," she said, leaning aginst the doorframe of his office. "I'm sorry."

Daniel stretched and yawned. "For what?"

"That I didn't bring you coffee. Did you sleep at all?"

"I can sleep on Atlantis."

"That's true." She came into the room and he smelled the light fragrance she wore when not going off-world. "This is hard," she said, and stopped. Tears filled her eyes and she put a hand to her mouth.

"Hey, hey," he said, and gently pulled her into an embrace. He closed his eyes and wondered how many times had they come together over the years. In grief, in sorrow, in anger, in fear, and even -- though not often enough -- in happiness. He hugged her tightly, pressing his nose into her soft hair. She was in pain, too; Jack had been more than a mentor to her. After a while, she sniffed, and they relaxed their hold on each other. "You will visit," he told her.

"Duh," she replied, grinning sadly. "Cassie wants to see Atlantis, and I made some friends while I was there."

A young airman stuck his head in the room, then saluted. "Doctor Jackson. We're here to pack --"

"Yes, yes, it's ready." He closed the last box, labeled it, and stepped back, pulling Sam with him. Two more men came into the office and began hauling the boxes and crates out, setting them onto a wheeled pallet. It had taken Daniel weeks to pack; the airmen had the office empty in fifteen minutes, then vanished down the long corridor toward the gateroom. "Wow," he said, looking around.

"Has this always been your office?" Sam asked.

"Almost. My very first was a lot smaller, and guarded. I don't know what they thought I was going to do, but it wasn't until Jack put me on his team that the Air Force decided I wasn't a security threat. Well, actually," he said thoughtfully, "not even then. But I didn't have a guard following me all the time. It helped that I lived with Jack for a while. But yeah, after that, this was my office. Then Jonas's, and then mine again. I've made a lot of discoveries here."

"It'll see more," Sam predicted, but Daniel thought: not by me. He squeezed her hand.

"Samantha Carter," Teal'c said. "Daniel Jackson. The chapa'ai will open in sixty of your minutes. Perhaps you will sit kel-no-reem with me?"

Suddenly, Daniel could think of little more he wished, so he and Sam followed Teal'c to his quarters. Candles were burning, lightly scenting the air, and cushions were strewn over the rug-covered floor. They sat, and Teal'c lit another candle between them. Teal'c's deep eyes felt heavy on Daniel, and he felt again the weight of their years together: his, Teal'c's, Sam's, and Jack's. He missed Jack more then he had words to say, in any language, extant or extinct. Then Teal'c closed his eyes. Daniel did, too.

Kel-no-reem was not like zazen, or yoga, or any Earth-based meditation that Daniel was familiar with. Over the years, they had practiced kel-no-reem many times, and by now he was able to sink into the dreamlike state it induced. More than that, he almost instantly felt a connection with Teal'c and with Sam. He felt soothed by the presence, as if they lived inside his heart. He knew, with rock-solid certainty, that when he sat kel-no-reem in Atlantis, he would feel them still, and always.

He was surprised when Teal'c gently touched his knee. "It is nearly time, Daniel Jackson."

Sam was wiping her eyes again. He leaned over and kissed her and then, to his own surprise, turned to Teal'c and kissed him. The gesture felt formal and serious to him, as if his kiss said something that could not be said in words. All three of them climbed to their feet and together they walked to the gateroom.

The enormous room was packed with supplies on pallets towed by utility vehicles and two MALPs being sent to replace lost MALPs. Several airmen and four Marines were going through with Daniel; they stood erect, as if at attention, staring at the empty stargate. Daniel looked back and up to see Landry in the control room. He nodded gravely at Daniel, who lifted one hand. Carolyn stood next to Landry; she waved at him, smiling.

Walter began the dialing procedure and all conversation stopped. The gate boiled open and its beautiful light reflected off the faces around Daniel. There was a pause, and then the Marines stepped through.

Sergeant Siler appeared next to Daniel, his hand stuck out. Daniel shook it, but couldn't think of anything to say before Siler disappeared, still carrying his enormous wrench. Daniel, Sam, and Teal'c watched as the equipment and materiel was moved through the gate. He felt nearly dizzy with exhaustion and grief. He wished with all his heart that Jack were with them, that the four of them were about to step through the gate on another mission.

At last, the room was cleared. The gate had a few more minutes it could remain open, but not many. He turned to Sam and found he couldn't speak; his throat was twisted with grief. For over ten years he had known this day would come but now that it was here he had no words. They embraced again, hugging tightly, and she kissed him again. This time he wiped his eyes. When he turned to Teal'c, he bowed deeply, and then he and Teal'c took each other's forearms in a warrior's embrace.

"Three minutes, Doctor Jackson," Walter's voice said, subdued.

"God, Daniel," Sam said, her voice broken.

He took both their hands and squeezed them one final time, then swung up the ramp without another look. He wasn't sure he could leave if he saw them together yet alone.

"Oh my god, what took you so long, no don't tell me because frankly I don't care. I've put you in a lab across from my main lab and right next to Andy Corrigan, who was supposed to have made sure it was equipped, though what an archaeologist needs I can't imagine. It's almost lunch time here so let's go to the mess hall first, then I'll take you there, but after that you're on your own."

"Hi, Rod."

"Uh. Hi, Dan."

They stared at each other, Daniel wondering what Rodney was seeing. He was sure his eyes were red and damp, but maybe Rodney would attribute that to passing through the stargate. He remembered before the buffers had been reverse engineered how cold going through had been, and how many people had vomited once through. Rodney had done the reverse engineering, so maybe he remembered, too.

"You look like shit," Rodney said at last, so maybe not. "Do you have the flu? If you're bringing flu to the Pegasus galaxy and kill half the population, well, don't, just go back home. If it isn't too late."

"I don't have the flu," Daniel said, and took a deep breath. He remembered now that dealing with Rodney seemed to require more oxygen than usual. "Lunch sounds good. How's the coffee here?"

"When we get a supply run, okay. When that runs out, you have to barter your life away."

"Doctor Jackson," a slow deep voice said.

"Oh, hey, John, we're going to get some lunch; wanna come?"

"If I'm not intruding."

"No, Colonel Sheppard," Daniel said. "Not at all. I find Rodney always needs leavening."

"Ha ha," Rodney said sourly, but Sheppard grinned at him.

"Welcome to Atlantis," Sheppard said. "Also, call me John."

"Daniel," Daniel replied, and they shook hands. Rodney herded them out of the gateroom, ignoring Richard Woolsey who looked as though he had prepared another speech; Daniel knew Richard well enough to want to avoid that, so he simply smiled and waved at him and let Rodney hurry them away.

"Okay, so, how many assistants are you going to need and where the hell do you think we're going to come up with them? You're the only archaeologist on the mission roster and as far as I know the only archaeologist in the entire Pegasus galaxy."

"Rodney," John began, but Daniel said, "I'm going to spend more of my time at first just reading the database. I'll worry about an assistant later."

Rodney didn't look as though he believed Daniel; he looked as though he was convinced Daniel would steal his best scientists. And in fact, Daniel had every intention to because he would need physicists and chemists and botanists and biologist to do the kind of work he planned. But he'd give Rodney plenty of time to let his guard down before he made his move.

"Hey, not-meatloaf," John said enthusiastically when they reached the mess hall. It was unlike any mess hall Daniel had ever eaten in before, not just in size, but in beauty. Enormous stained glass windows let in sunlight delicately colored pale blue, pink, mauve, green where it splashed on the reflective floor, and even larger windows were open to the sky, letting in the sea breeze and sunshine. Part of the outside wall had been folded back so there was an open balcony with many little tables on it. The air smelled fresh and clean and utterly unlike the SGC's commissary.

Daniel had stopped when they'd entered the room, staring up at the windows, blinded by the light. Peripherally he saw Rodney open his mouth, no doubt to complain, and saw John punch his arm and glare at him. He saw some of the people in the room pause to look at him, and knew his name was being repeated.

He felt filled with light here, filled with helium, with life, for the first time since Jack had died. Sadness also filled him, and he knew that that sadness would always be there, but he felt something else as well. Almost a presence, he thought. Almost Jack.

He wanted to say: Are you here, Jack? Did you ascend after all? Were you waiting for me all these months here in Pegasus? But he didn't need to -- no, that wasn't it. He didn't want to ask those questions. He didn't want to risk silence for an answer. Instead, he closed his eyes and pictured Jack's face, one eyebrow raised, his brown eyes thoughtful, smile lines bracketing his mouth. He felt Jack's hand on his shoulder, his breath warm against his ear.

Was Jack here? At that moment, Daniel didn't know. But for the first time, he felt he could live, not just exist. He felt comforted.

He opened his eyes. Rodney said in a deeply sarcastic voice, "If you are finished communing with nature, could we move on? We're blocking the way, and besides, they're going to run out of not-meatloaf."

Daniel smiled, and let himself be moved on, and thought: Okay. Okay, Jack. I hear you.

Daniel had lunch, he toured his new office and lab, he was led to his new quarters, and when was finally alone, he again found a balcony to stand on and from which to stare out at the sea, the world, the galaxy. "Okay, Jack," he said, aloud this time, and didn't worry about whether or not he'd be answered. "I'm here. I'll wait for you. I'll always wait for you."

* * *

Title from Rainer Maria Rilke's poem "Falling Stars":

 _Do you remember still the falling stars  
that like swift horses through the heavens raced  
and suddenly leaped across the hurdles  
of our wishes -- do you recall? And we  
did make so many! For there were countless numbers  
of stars: each time we looked above we were  
astounded by the swiftness of their daring play,  
while in our hearts we felt safe and secure  
watching these brilliant bodies disintegrate,  
knowing somehow we had survived their fall._

-Translated by Albert Ernest Flemming


End file.
